3 questions to ask yourself if you're feeling stuck (and they're not what you might think!)

If you’re feeling stuck, you know you want to make a change to your career, but are just not sure what to do, you’re probably asking yourself where do you even start?

Like most people nowadays with any question we have, or when we need to do some research, Dr Google is often the first place we turn to. A search along the lines of “How do I change career after 40”. or “How can I decide what job to do?” is often the first place people start and in my experience, this search , can actually leave you feeling overwhelmed and as frustrated and unclear as when you started, if not more so!

I know I can be the queen of internet research, particularly for things like booking a holiday, I will find myself 4 hours later, disappearing down a rabbit warren of reviews, trip advisor, hundreds of different websites all with different pictures, opinions, prices, accommodation options and advice. So, invariably, I get overwhelmed, can’t make any kind of decision and put it back in my “too difficult pile” and shelve it for another day; only to do exactly the same again.

With something as important as your career change, it’s tempting to do the same, to find an answer quickly and maybe you’ve done personality test after test and career match tests, looking at jobs boards for live jobs, trying to find that bolt from the blue - “That’s it, that’s what I want to do!”. Of course that doesn’t happen, you probably feel overwhelmed and like my holiday research project, it gets put away for another day.

Much of the advice designed to help you make a career change actually keeps you stuck. Have you come across these questions online or been asked them by well meaning friends or family?

  • Are you being realistic? This is a bit of a downer isn’t it? One of the things I do with my clients is actually work with them on breaking their “realistic habit”. What we believe to be realistic for ourselves and what’s actually possible can often be a million miles away from each other. This doesn’t mean I advocate resigning from your job and setting up a donkey sanctuary in 3 weeks before your savings run out, but before you know what you want to explore, and before you've tested out your ideas to find out what 'realistic' actually looks like outside of your head, asking yourself this question is more likely to keep you stuck than it is to get you moving.

    If you'd asked me five years ago how realistic it was for me to give up my day job and be paid to coach people (once from the deck of a sailing boat in Greece this summer), I'd have told you to stop being ridiculous.

    You may believe It's not 'realistic' to expect to move into a career when you have no direct experience on your CV, but I’ve worked with clients who have done exactly that. Read James’ story here to find out how he moved from Construction to Web Development: https://amanda-paradine.squarespace.com/config/pages/5a8b302308522933c24bb3b7

    Maybe you think it’s not 'realistic' to start a business when you've just had a child, but again, I know people personally that have done this.

    How many ideas have you had and cast aside, on the basis that they weren't 'realistic'?

    And how many of those ideas do you know aren't realistic, and how many are you scared aren't realistic, or are you scared that they actually MAY be realistic and then there’s nothing stopping you going for it is there?……..

    There is a difference.

  • Is it the right time for you to make a change?

    We all really know the answer to this don’t we? The fact is, there is never a 'right time' to make a career change – at least not in the way that this question intends you to think about it.

    There are always going to be reasons to wait. Maybe if you just get this promotion first, you'll have more money in the bank. Maybe if you just get through this big project, you'll have more time. Maybe if you just wait until your children have finished their exams you’ll have the head space to really think, maybe I’ll wait until my boss retires etc etc.

    There's always something you can be doing right now toward your career change, no matter what your circumstances. Taking yourself into new environments to stimulate new ideas, connecting with new people who can provide new perspectives, getting involved in new projects to build your experiences and learn more about your interests.

    And the more actions you take along these lines, the closer the gap will get between where you are now and where you want to be. Until one day, all there is to do is take the final step.

    So, instead of asking yourself these questions, to get you moving, ask yourself instead":

  • Am I committed to change? There is no way around it, career change can be difficult.

    You're dealing with uncertainty, asking yourself some big, challenging questions, and aiming to transform an area of your life that will be triggering all of your natural survival instincts to keep you safe and secure.

    It's easy to daydream about finding work you love from your desk and telling yourself, one day….It's quite another matter to actually start making it happen.

    Unless you're genuinely committed, the safety of the devil-you-know will always be stronger than you.

    To be committed to change, you don’t have to know HOW you're going to make it happen or even what that change looks like to start with. Commitment isn't about agreeing to do something that's clear and obvious. It's about choosing your destination - which at this point, might just be “change” and then creating a path.

    "This is going to happen. I don't yet know how I'm going to make it happen or what the end goal is and I realise I may face some big challenges and decisions. But this is non-negotiable for me. I will make a change to find work I love”

    This commitment to yourself will push you though the moments of uncertainty, moments when your confidence dips, when that voice on your shoulder whispers that “this is too difficult, let’s just stay safe”

  • Who can I count on? You can of course make a career change on your own, but as with many things in life, it’s much easier when you have a team around you, supporting you and cheering you on. .

    People to bounce ideas around with, to challenge your fears, to connect you with interesting people, to hold your hand on your journey when it feels uncomfortable and

    There are going to be moments in your shift when you wake up overwhelmed and panicking that it's all too big and too much. There will be moments when you doubt you can do it. You'll come across situations that you just don't know what to do about.

    And having a group of cheerleaders to call on in those moments is invaluable. Your cheerleaders could take the form of a coach like me, your friends, family or even other career changers going through the same process as you.

  • What small thing could I do to start exploring? When we’re looking at something as huge as a change in career, it feels daunting and overwhelming. A bit like looking at the mountain peak and thinking we’ll never reach it. As the famous Chinese proverb states - “The journey of a thousand miles starts with a single, small step” . It’s the same with career change. Career change, like running a marathon, or climbing a mountain isn’t a single event, it’s a series of smaller steps or actions that eventually lead you to your destination. So ask yourself, what one small thing could you do today to start exploring? Is there an idea for a business that you want to talk over with a friend, do you want to read an article about an industry that interests you, do you want to reach out to speak to a career coach like me? Make a list of things you could do and start working your way through them each day - without necessarily knowing where these actions will lead, you’ll feel great taking action and your way forward will become clearer and clearer.

    Take the first step today, ask yourself some helpful questions and then get out there and take some action!